Paper or pregnant?

So I've been thinking about this "paper pregnancy" of sorts lately.

I had heard people joke that adoption is like being paper pregnant. Your formal application acceptance is like your positive pregnancy test... the first referral picture is like your ultrasound... and the day you first see and hold your baby is like giving birth to your new family.

And now that I am living this 9+ month journey, I can look back and see that there is indeed many resemblences. Giving birth twice and also being on this journey to adoption has given me insight into both incredible God given gifts. But I wonder... is one "pregnancy" easier than another? Hmmmm...... Let's see....

Due dates:
When I was pregnant, I was given a due date. My oldest was born 4 days after his due date and my youngest was 2 days after his due date. Even though I didn't know the "exact" date when he was going to make his arrival, I could make an estimated guess it would be probably +/- 7 days from that magic due date. Being paper pregnant is soooooooo much worse. I wish more than anything that I had a due date. Never knowing when the phone would ring was the most agonizing feeling I can describe. Its like winning the lottery and not knowing when you will get your prize. Right now, I have been "pregnant" for 1 year, 4 months, 2 week and 4 days... but who's counting right???!!!

Weight gain:
Pregnant with Carson.... gained weight. Pregnant with Kolby... gained weight. It was all good. Paper pregnant with our daughter.... gained weight... not so good. I'm a stress-eater and I guess as the months pass, so has my waist!

Moodiness:
Yup. Enough said. It doesn't matter whether I was pregnant or paper pregnant... emotional, moody, cranky, stressed... its all the same.

Baby clothes:
When I was pregnant, I had 9 months to buy little onesies and cute boy clothes. While I'm paper pregnant, I've had 18 months and counting to buy dresses and shoes and bows and ribbons and headbands and barrettes and leggings and tutu skirts and mini skirts and embroidered jeans and faux fur vests and hats and pink this and pink that... much much worse this time around!!!! At least I've been able to hit the clearance racks!!!

Prenatal Literature:
When I was a new Mom-to-be, I remember scouring every book on parenting, pregnancy, giving birth, baby names, sleep habits, and feeding that I could get my hands on. Now I am scouring every book and blog on adoption, attachment, baby names, Korea, sleep habits, feeding, multicultural families, and following every family who is also adopting. There are days that hours go by as I go through blog after blog- celebrating the referrals and milestones, and feeling the frustrations of long waits with other parents who are experiencing the same highs and lows that I am.

Expenses:
Natural birth: paid for by insurance
Adoption: Priceless

Paperwork:
Natural birth: Birth certificate, Hospital papers, social security papers
Adoption: Birth certificates, hospital papers, social security papers of every person in our immediate family, extended family, third twice removed family, people we have bumped into at the grocery store, aquaintences and pets... as well as credit reports, medical exams, prescriptions, diets, licenses, fingerprints, lie detector tests, SAT scores, ACT scores, IQ exams, FBI checks, weights, bloodtests, ultrasounds, CAT scans, X-rays... multiplied by 10 copies of each...handwritten 23 times, sent to 15 different government agencies... around the world... twice... Ok. So maybe that was a little exaggerated... but not by much!

Excitement:
No matter if I carried my child in my belly or in my heart, my love will not change. I am just as excited as I wait the days to meet our daughter as I was when I patted my pregnant belly to wait meeting our sons. Hurry little one.

So... what's the verdict? I had two very easy pregnancies and I will have to admit this paper pregnancy is harder...much harder... but I wouldn't change it for the world. I know when I hold our daughter in my arms every "labor" pain will be worth it.