Monday, January 10, 2011
Therapy of sorts......
Jeff here. Yeah... I know Amber is the one who normally keeps this blog rolling with her love of writing... and I... well... my feelings tend to stay tucked away until she prompts me enough to write them down. So here it is. This is something that has been weighing on my mind for awhile so I suppose its good I write it down...
I knew in my heart and my head that adoption is a lengthy process. Also, I figured that once the paper work went to Korea I could put the process, the waiting out of my mind (pretty selfish..I know). This was not done to be cruel, but more for my peace of mind, sometimes when I am eager for something I try not to think about it so I cannot work myself up. Well our paper work went to Korea ("officially") in August and I was able to put the waiting game in the back of my mind. This worked for the first three months, and then it happened. All of the questions started coming from everybody. It seemed like every time I turned around that I was answering question after question, the same questions multiple times a day. I have to freely admit that this was beginning to really bother me!! All of these questions were constantly making me think of our daughter. Was she born yet? If so, what does she look like? Wondering thinks like her name, and how much she weighed at birth. Also all of the thoughts to the day when we will be getting our phone call with our placement. And it seemed like all of these "annoying" questions were making the days seem to last forever, keeping us from our new addition to our family.
Being the "typical" guy I really did not say much to Amber about how I was feeling, and admittedly I was feeling anxious. Then it happened, I finally said something to her about how frustrated I was with everybody asking "So, how's the adoption going?". And she made me think about what was really going on. And after some careful reflecting on how important those questions really are and how critical it is to keep our daughter on my mind I came away with a new point of view, and here it is....
I want to answer as many questions as I possibly can!!
The old adage "out of sight, out of mind" may work for some things but for adoption "out of sight" really means on your mind (ALL of the time). I now know two key things about the questions people ask and the questions we answer. First, the questions will keep me focused on our daughter (where she is, her circumstance, etc.). I need to know that the call will be coming soon and to be ready for it. Secondly, that for every question that is asked, someone is showing a genuine concern for what we are trying to do. When someone asks a question about adoption, it is our (any adoptive parent) duty to share our knowledge about the process as much as we can. This our way to not only enlighten those who are interested, but it is also a time for us to process our journey and to keep us sane!!
So reflecting... yes this wait is definitely hard, but it also has its purpose. I always remind myself that everyday that passes is one day closer to bringing her home.
Jeff here. Yeah... I know Amber is the one who normally keeps this blog rolling with her love of writing... and I... well... my feelings tend to stay tucked away until she prompts me enough to write them down. So here it is. This is something that has been weighing on my mind for awhile so I suppose its good I write it down...
I knew in my heart and my head that adoption is a lengthy process. Also, I figured that once the paper work went to Korea I could put the process, the waiting out of my mind (pretty selfish..I know). This was not done to be cruel, but more for my peace of mind, sometimes when I am eager for something I try not to think about it so I cannot work myself up. Well our paper work went to Korea ("officially") in August and I was able to put the waiting game in the back of my mind. This worked for the first three months, and then it happened. All of the questions started coming from everybody. It seemed like every time I turned around that I was answering question after question, the same questions multiple times a day. I have to freely admit that this was beginning to really bother me!! All of these questions were constantly making me think of our daughter. Was she born yet? If so, what does she look like? Wondering thinks like her name, and how much she weighed at birth. Also all of the thoughts to the day when we will be getting our phone call with our placement. And it seemed like all of these "annoying" questions were making the days seem to last forever, keeping us from our new addition to our family.
Being the "typical" guy I really did not say much to Amber about how I was feeling, and admittedly I was feeling anxious. Then it happened, I finally said something to her about how frustrated I was with everybody asking "So, how's the adoption going?". And she made me think about what was really going on. And after some careful reflecting on how important those questions really are and how critical it is to keep our daughter on my mind I came away with a new point of view, and here it is....
I want to answer as many questions as I possibly can!!
The old adage "out of sight, out of mind" may work for some things but for adoption "out of sight" really means on your mind (ALL of the time). I now know two key things about the questions people ask and the questions we answer. First, the questions will keep me focused on our daughter (where she is, her circumstance, etc.). I need to know that the call will be coming soon and to be ready for it. Secondly, that for every question that is asked, someone is showing a genuine concern for what we are trying to do. When someone asks a question about adoption, it is our (any adoptive parent) duty to share our knowledge about the process as much as we can. This our way to not only enlighten those who are interested, but it is also a time for us to process our journey and to keep us sane!!
So reflecting... yes this wait is definitely hard, but it also has its purpose. I always remind myself that everyday that passes is one day closer to bringing her home.
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2 comments:
so nice to hear a father's point of view. My husband is similar and only worries about the day he is in. But, little by little I have been able to see the emotion, the stress building on needing an outlet for the wait. He is just as eager as I am, just shows it in different ways. He likes facts, I like what-ifs. I agree with you that facing something head on makes us feel better. It was really wearing at first answering all of the questions, but then it just becomes a part of your life. Imagine if us ladies didn't have this outlet of blogging?? Where would we all be? Thanks for sharing and I hope my husband works up the nerve to share his thoughts at some point, just at least for the babys sake. We plan to print our blog into a book for her. Hope to see your referral announcement soon guys!!
I hope these next few months fly by for you guys and you get to see her beautiful face soon!
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